Monday, January 23, 2006

Flying Spaghetti Monsters - comparative theology

Is the FSM spicy?

Even just typing such heresy makes me queasy, but intellectual honesty demands a rigorous examination of the issues.

The purists know that The Sauce is just Tomatos, Basil and Onion (Vidalia Texas Sweet Onion, of course); BUT, some heretics want to violate this Trinity of Ingredients and add Oregano (pah! most of the can't even pronounce it!) or even viler heresies like Chilis, or Eggplant, or Grated Carrots (gag.).

We know how to deal with such splitters and heretics, but I find myself bothered by the question of Garlic.
Maybe it is just being in Pennsylvania amongst the Old Faith, if I were still in California, Garlic would probably seem a natural ingredient, and it is of the Onion Family.
But, what of the Trinity then? Do you leave out the Onion? And are we then then going to permit Shallots too?

As you can gather, these are Difficult Issues.

Now, I am tempted by the Unitarian Heresy, whereby the FSM is just one aspect of the many faced deity. So Trinity, Quadrity, it is all One. And it explains the Mystery of the Meatballs with elegant circular logic.
But, this way lies heresy, I mean would a true Unitarian accept an Oregano Lover. Who knows where such filth leads

So, let me advice you to stick with the Old Faith and keep the Trinity of Ingredients: Tomato, Basil, Onion. Long may they simmer.
For the children.

Maybe grown-ups could indulge in a little bit of lightly braised garlic in the privacy of their own homes, and maybe the Gilroy Fanatics can force it to be legal, if not acceptable to decent folks, in public in California.
Just don't expect to come to Pennsylvania and see it served in restaurants before dark.
We keep the faith. And our balls are pure beef.

Up next... The Spaghetti - pure Durum Wheat, whole or refined?
Burn the Spinach Splitters.
No Coloured Pasta in the FSM!


Blogger Kayhan Gultekin said...

I have never heard such heresy! Vidalia onions are from Georgia -- Vidalia, Georgia! True, they come from a Texas strain, but they most certainly are Georgian.

You cannot begin to fathom the intricate subtleties of the FSM until you accept the Georgian roots of the onions in his sauce.

10:28 AM  

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